Lemon Pie Failure

Lest you look at this blog and start inaptly using the word "gourmet," here are some pictures of my recent lemon pie failure and a bit of background on what inspired me to make it. 

A few weeks ago, I went to San Fran with these cool nerds:

And tried a few very inventive pies at this aptly named shop:

Including an apple and green chile pie, which was a fun little culinary adventure (despite the fact that I love green chiles, I still think it's sacrilege to adulterate the Classic Apple). And this raspberry and nectarine pie:

The bakers did not bother peeling the nectarines, so the pie was a bit of a disappointment.

And bought matching hats with my sister, because why bother pretending we're not complete dorks (despite her high-school-cheerleader blondeness)?

And to finally get to the point, got some lovely Meyer lemons from a tree in my friend's backyard. I felt inspired to make a lemon pie, even though I've consistently failed in my attempts to make it.  When I was 11 or 12, I first attempted to make lemon meringue pie. It was a disaster but led to one of my best childhood memories. The pie came out of the oven an unappetizing shade of brown. Nevertheless, my dad enthusiastically ate a virtually inedible slice of pie, insisting it was quite delicious. What a supportive father.   

Anyway, I'm not going to bother posting the whole recipe because it was a disaster. I used a food network recipe, but I should have known better. I don't think they vet their recipes. The lemon curd was made with whole eggs rather than egg yolks; despite my misgivings about this, I foolishly made this recipe anyway. In my limited experience making cream or curd pies, the filling includes only egg yolks. 

I zested three lemons.

And juiced six lemons, until I had about 3/4 of a cup of lemon juice.

Then mixed the lemon juice and zest with five eggs, 1 1/3 cups of sugar, and a pinch of salt.

And whisked it together. I felt pretty confident at this point because it looked and smelled lovely.

Then whisked the ingredients in a saucepan over medium-low heat, adding 1 1/2 sticks of butter, 1 tablespoon at a time, until it thickened.

And then I got really excited because it looked like this:

Then I placed it in a 300 degree oven. According to the recipe, it was supposed to set up in 15 minutes. The filling would not set up at all. I left it in the oven for an hour, checking periodically. By the time it finally set up, the top had burned, so it came out looking like this:

I was so bummed that the pie burned, in part because making this pie was my idea of a fun Saturday night. Somehow I convinced myself that I'm not completely lame because at least I was listening to good music - the Brand New Heavies. 

One of my former collegues says I will not be a real baker until I can successfully make a lemon pie.  I will do it...one of these days. 

Peach Dumplings

Because I'm burning a lot of calories climbing that steep learning curve at my new job, I decided it was ok for me to make peach dumplings the same week I made a peach pie. Don't judge me; after all, you're the one reading a blog about pie...

I made these a few weeks ago. A lot of use this recipe is to you now that it's no longer peach season.  My official excuse is that my seven-year-old laptop finally crapped out. Shock! I have one on loan now while I contemplate the existential first-world question: to iPad or not to iPad? 

I might as well post this now anyway because I need to work out a lot of kinks when it comes to dumplings, be they peach or apple or any other filling. These are very difficult to make and quite possibly not worth the effort.  But here you go.

First, make this tried-and-true pie crust. Then gather up six peaches, sugar, butter, salt, flour, one egg and one lemon. Leave the butter out to soften while you peel the peaches like this.



In a small bowl, mix with a fork 1/2 a stick of unsalted butter that is room temperature or slightly softened, 1/2 cup sugar, 1/4 teaspoon salt and the juice from half a lemon until it looks like this:

Then roll out the dough and trim it into a large rectangle that is roughly 12 x 18 inches.

Then brush the dough with one beaten egg.

Cut the peaches in half, then smear (that's a technical term) a half with the delightfully naughty butter-sugar-lemon mixture, and while you're at it, fill the center of the peach with it - because you're making peach dumplings, so you're obviously badass like that. 

And cut a square around the peach that looks big enough for you to be able to do this:

I don't purport to know the correct dimensions; just do what seems right.  Then pinch the top together.  I used two forks, so it looked like a stegosaurus. (I kind of want to high five myself Liz Lemon style for making a dinosaur reference).

And press the sides together, until it looks passable. I'm not going to lie, most of these turned out looking like a kindergartener made them. (They looked so bad, I left them anonymously in the kitchen at work. They were all gone by 11 a.m., so I think they were a hit.) 

Poke a few holes in the dumplings, place them in a generously buttered baking dish about 1-2 inches apart and put them in a 425 degree oven.

Now that you're thoroughly discouraged by your inability to make something worthy of Pinterest, make this syrup so that you can slather the dumplings with it. This will make them nice and shiny and distract from the fact that Martha Stewart would judge you for being a failure at womanhood. (Or maybe yours will turn out perfect, and it is just I who am a failure.)  

Place in a saucepan 1 cup of water, 1/2 cup sugar, 1/3 teaspoon salt, 2 tablespoons butter and the remainder of the lemon, sliced. Bring to a boil and boil for 5 minutes. Simmer, and brush the dumplings with the syrup once the dumplings begin to brown and every 10 minutes after that. 

Bake for 20 minutes, check, continue baking at 425 if the crust is not golden brown. Continue checking every 10 minutes or so. When the crust is brown, reduce the heat to 350 and continue baking for 15-20 minutes. (These took about 25 minutes on 425 and 25 minutes on 350. I think because peaches are naturally soft unlike baking apples, baking them at 425 for 30-40 minutes or until the crust is brown is sufficient.) When you remove them from the oven, continue periodically brushing them with syrup as they cool. 

This was the most blog-worthy dumpling.  Some of the pictures bordered on NSFW.  They reminded me of Randy singing "Cafeteria Fraiche."

These were virtually impossible to keep intact. This recipe is a variation on an apple dumpling recipe, and I think peaches are just too juicy for this to work.  Apples, however, would be perfect (if you decide to use apples, add 1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon to the butter mixture and the syrup and leave out the lemon).

Peach Dumplings

Make this crust. 

Filling:

6 small peaches

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 stick butter

1 egg 
Juice from half a lemon

Syrup:

1 cup water
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
Half a lemon, sliced

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Set the butter out to allow it to warm to room temperature.  Meanwhile, peel peaches and cut them in half, set aside. Mix butter, sugar, salt and lemon juice with a fork and set aside. Roll the dough into a large rectangle and brush with one beaten egg. Take one peach half, fill the center with the butter mixture and spread the butter on the outside of the peach. Place the peach on the dough and cut a square around it, then fold the dough and pinch the top together. Put the dumpling in a buttered dish and bake for 20 minutes at 425, then 20 more on 350, checking periodically.

While these begin to brown, put 1 cup of water, 1/2 a cup of sugar, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 2 tablespoons unsalted butter and half of a sliced lemon in a saucepan and bring to a boil.  Boil for 5 minutes and reduce to a simmer. When the dumplings are light brown, brush with the syrup, and continue brushing every 10 minutes as they bake and once you remove them from the oven as they cool.

Of course, these are delightful with ice cream. Share and enjoy!

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